for the sake of writing

I've really been bad at this, so some random thoughts:

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I've never been into 'doing' things. I like doing NOTHING. When I was single and living alone a big day was when I did the dishes. I procrastinated EVERYTHING: chores, work, shopping, EVERYTHING. It all felt like so much effort. Maybe I had low-grade depression.....?

My life now could not be further from that, and strangely, it gives me a sense of accomplishment when the kitchen is clean, the laundry is folded AND put away, and there is food in the fridge for my family. (lest you think I'm the only one who does those chores, Jake does them at least half the time. It's a collective win :)) I feel tremendous satisfaction from making healthy homemade treats for Rudi and Jake. WHO AM I!?

A normal day includes doing the dishes, folding some laundry and cleaning the toilet IN ADDITION to making supper, playing with Rudi, and working! I do more things in one day now than I used to do in a WEEK.

But don't worry, some of my procrastination remains. I think I fully wash the floors 2 or 3x a year. Does that make you want to come over less? ;)

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Two working parents is unsustainable and a messed up system. I don't like the balance. Every morning I have to explain to Rudi that he has to go to day care (which is wonderful) and he cries to 'STAY. HOME. WITH. MOM'. Heartbreaking! Esp because I want to stay home too! 5 days of work and 2 days of weekend is messed.

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My job is easy, and I am so grateful for that at this point in my life. I don't want a professional challenge. I am being evaluated this year and I have to talk about my goals and timeline and how I'm going to continue to improve and all I want to say is 'I just want to keep doing what I'm doing and do it well'. I have no professional goals beyond that. I'll do a good job of my job, you give me a paycheque. Easy peasy. Sadly, I don't think that will fly. I'll have to make something up.

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Biking with Rudi in the morning and afternoon is one of the great delights of my life; he points and talks about everything and we have a great time. Even though neither of us really wants to be headed out of the house for the day, we make the best of it.

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We bought a tent trailer and I have dreamed about it every night since. Seriously. I can't wait to camp in it. Also: 4 days after we bought it I went camping in a tent and it was TWO FREAKING DEGREES the first night. WE COULD HAVE BROUGHT THE TENT TRAILER! IT HAS A HEATER!

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Our baby's due date is fast approaching and my anxiety is fast mounting as well. I am obviously very excited to stop waiting and start holding, but sheesh, the end waiting is STRESSFUL!

That's it for now :)

More later,


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