A Break, of sorts
I'm off work now, pumping like a maniac and eagerly and stressfully awaiting our girl's birth. A few thoughts about that:
At the beginning of the year, it felt cruel to send Rudi to daycare for the whole day, no matter that the daycare he goes to is very loving and he has a great time. He cried about going every morning and our hearts broke. Now, though, I've been home from work for a week and Rudi has gone to daycare every day. I have feelings about it. They are contradictory.
First, I feel guilty - I like spending time with Rudi and he prefers to be home. He doesn't cry any more but he does says 'Don't want to go to Ana's today'. Of course, he has a blast when he's there.
Second, the pumping schedule for inducing lactation is INTENSE. I'm pumping 9x a day: 3am, 7am, 9am, 11am, 1pm, 3pm, 5pm, 8pm, 10:30pm. And for me, pumping is not a relaxing/do-nothing activity. It is quite literally 'hands on'. Also, one of those I do is 'power pumping' and it takes an hour. SO. It's not like there is quality time that abounds for Rudi.
Third, I did that schedule (with a few time modifications) for 2 weeks while working and that has left me with a serious sleep deficit. I'm EXHAUSTED.
Fourth, there is a LOT to do to be ready for baby girl. I'm making food for Sara, refinishing a dresser, cleaning and generally nesting, making food for us, and doing some of those household tasks that need to happen but now I don't have to do them at 7:30 am or 11pm - things like folding and putting away laundry.
Fifth, I've been CRAVING alone time. I told Jake I wanted to go away by myself for a weekend, but that just isn't in the cards for lots of reasons, so I'm taking these days of alone time from 8:15 or so to 3:30 as my 'vacay'. The funny thing is, the days FLY. When Rudi was a baby and I was home with him, they often dragged - esp the late afternoon before Jake came home. I couldn't find ways to fill the time with a baby. But now....They just fly by and I'm not lonely or bored or in need of interaction. Of course, I've only been doing this for 4 days....maybe I'll get there ;) But on the other hand, when in the next 10-15 years will I ever get days on my own like this? NEVER, aside from the odd sick day. So I'm revelling in it a bit and working hard not to feel guilty about it.
Sixth, I'm SO GRATEFUL for the benefits of my job. Working and pumping and life-ing was not doable for long and after 2 weeks of pure insanity, I needed the break. Being off also helps my anxiety about upcoming labor and delivery immensely.
So, to sum up: I stay home alone and it's awesome. I love it. It's feeding my need for solitude. I better soak it up because once baby girl arrives, I'll never have this kind of time to myself again. Definitely worth the trade-off, but I'm happy for this little interlude right now :)
At the beginning of the year, it felt cruel to send Rudi to daycare for the whole day, no matter that the daycare he goes to is very loving and he has a great time. He cried about going every morning and our hearts broke. Now, though, I've been home from work for a week and Rudi has gone to daycare every day. I have feelings about it. They are contradictory.
First, I feel guilty - I like spending time with Rudi and he prefers to be home. He doesn't cry any more but he does says 'Don't want to go to Ana's today'. Of course, he has a blast when he's there.
Second, the pumping schedule for inducing lactation is INTENSE. I'm pumping 9x a day: 3am, 7am, 9am, 11am, 1pm, 3pm, 5pm, 8pm, 10:30pm. And for me, pumping is not a relaxing/do-nothing activity. It is quite literally 'hands on'. Also, one of those I do is 'power pumping' and it takes an hour. SO. It's not like there is quality time that abounds for Rudi.
Third, I did that schedule (with a few time modifications) for 2 weeks while working and that has left me with a serious sleep deficit. I'm EXHAUSTED.
Fourth, there is a LOT to do to be ready for baby girl. I'm making food for Sara, refinishing a dresser, cleaning and generally nesting, making food for us, and doing some of those household tasks that need to happen but now I don't have to do them at 7:30 am or 11pm - things like folding and putting away laundry.
Fifth, I've been CRAVING alone time. I told Jake I wanted to go away by myself for a weekend, but that just isn't in the cards for lots of reasons, so I'm taking these days of alone time from 8:15 or so to 3:30 as my 'vacay'. The funny thing is, the days FLY. When Rudi was a baby and I was home with him, they often dragged - esp the late afternoon before Jake came home. I couldn't find ways to fill the time with a baby. But now....They just fly by and I'm not lonely or bored or in need of interaction. Of course, I've only been doing this for 4 days....maybe I'll get there ;) But on the other hand, when in the next 10-15 years will I ever get days on my own like this? NEVER, aside from the odd sick day. So I'm revelling in it a bit and working hard not to feel guilty about it.
Sixth, I'm SO GRATEFUL for the benefits of my job. Working and pumping and life-ing was not doable for long and after 2 weeks of pure insanity, I needed the break. Being off also helps my anxiety about upcoming labor and delivery immensely.
So, to sum up: I stay home alone and it's awesome. I love it. It's feeding my need for solitude. I better soak it up because once baby girl arrives, I'll never have this kind of time to myself again. Definitely worth the trade-off, but I'm happy for this little interlude right now :)
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