It's over *whimper*

 Today was my last day of parental leave, ever. :( 

What an amazing incredible time. What a gift it is to have this time. Ever ever grateful to live in a country that makes it possible. 

This year (plus) off was very very different than my year with Rudi. Of course it was. I was different. I wasn't so broken to begin with. I had a toddler around most of the time. A second baby is always a different ballgame. There is also a sweetness to what you know will be your last time to care for and bond with a tiny needy ball of human.

Lindsay was not an easy baby like Rudi was. She didn't sleep. The first few months of her life are a bit of a blur because I was getting max 4h of sleep in several chunks per night. (I'm up to 6h a night now, but that's my fault, not hers ;))

And then when we emerged from the 4th trimester fog, the world shut down! And irony of ironies: I was mentally healthy enough to want to socialize with other people, which I didn't really want to do when Rudi was a baby. 

But as I said in my previous post, the pandemic taught (is teaching! Ever more lessons in patience! The vaccine drama is too much!) me so much and made it possible for me to really settle into stay-at-home-momming in a way I wouldn't have otherwise. I loved it. I really did. It felt less like 'mat leave' and more like 'stay at home mom' because of Rudi. His development over this year is astounding. He's such good company. He mimics and remembers everything (although he hasn't sworn yet, and that is a fucking miracle ;)). He has an amazing memory and imagination and will tell incredible stories and interactive scenarios - bonus - all I have to do is chime in every so often while sitting on the couch!

The other thing about a year off is that it is different and precious and that makes it more enjoyable. And because it's enjoyable, you don't want the year to end! And round and round we go!

So 'regular' life returns on Monday. 

I'm looking forward to being part of my team at work again. I'm looking forward to more variety in my days. I'm looking forward to using my brain for more than which muffins am I going to make next.

I'm just sad about less time with my kids. Even though I still have SO MUCH time with them. I've never been more grateful for a teacher schedule.

What it boils down to is working 5 days a week and resting 2 days just feels ever more unsustainable. I felt that way before kids, and I REALLY feel that way now.  I love my job, but it isn't possible to make it less than full time, unless I could find someone to share it. And that isn't likely at this point. It also affects retirement to work less than full time...anyway, I digress.

But back to the thesis: I'm so grateful for the time I've had. I'm so grateful I got this time at all. I'm so grateful Lindsay exists! 

Ever ever grateful and excited to continue the daily routine of life with my fantastic kids and husband and sheesh. 

How did I get this lucky? HOW.



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