We've taken on a lot, and somehow managed to stay in tact. Living life now as a family of 4!

We went to the fertility clinic a few weeks ago for what is (almost 100%) the last time ever. We went to get a letter stating Lindsay was created with our biological embryo and to give permission for our remaining embryos to be used to help teach new lab techs and drs how to do their job to hopefully help others have success at IVF. I have so many feelings about this. First, it was super anti-climatic. I didn't recognize a single staff member when I was there - none of the nurses or drs we knew were there today and they have hired a lot of new staff in the last 2 years. That clinic was the scene of some high highs (Heartbeat ultrasounds!) and some very low lows. I spent so many hours in that waiting room, tears pricking my eyes or numb from the perpetual and compounding pain of infertility. And now we're done. We have TWO kids. TWO more than I ever thought we'd have in May 2016 when our last embryo transfer failed. We are complete and done and ready to move on. But ...

In that time between being assured Lindsay was safely on the way and before she was born, I repeated to myself, often, 'Two is enough for other people'. It seems a bit ridiculous now, but I had to really work on the messaging in my head for many months. It felt like I was addicted to 'trying'. For so many years, I was scheming and praying, and running around 'trying' to have a baby. And once she was on the way, I didn't have to try any more. Even when Rudi was on the way, and after he was born, and really every moment I knew that if it were up to me, I wanted another kid. I continued scheming. Thus came Lindsay :) Once Lindsay was safely on the way, I didn't have to scheme any more, and my brain didn't know what to fill in all that energy and time with. So I repeated to myself, over and over: Two is enough for other people. I reassured myself that Rudi and Lindsay would have each other, that we would have equal kid and parent 'teams', t...

Intro: In case you didn't read, or don't remember, I induced lactation for Rudi as well. It involves taking birth control and domperidone and pumping to get milk flowing before baby is born. It's A LOT of work. Part 1, Written at the beginning of November So here we are, a little over 3 weeks into pumping around the clock for inducing lactation for baby #2. It is very different from Rudi. First, I know more now. I never made much milk with Rudi, so this time I'm taking it more seriously. Being off work helps immensely. I'm pumping around the clock, as I mentioned in my last post and I'm seeing increases in milk! After 1 week I was getting about 45mls a day After 2 weeks I was getting about 90mls a day After 3 weeks I was getting about 120mls a day. It's so encouraging to see the increase, but I have a loooong way to go to a full supply for baby - that's not my goal anyway. My goal is just to see how much I can get, I guess. Once baby is her...

I have at least 5 posts that have been living in my brain for the past year. What they all have in common is that I couldn't put them into words until our baby was home for fear of jinxing her safe arrival. So if I can find the time, prepare for an onslaught of posts that seem somewhat out of order. For now, though, an arrival post. Saying the waiting for our girlie to arrive was easy would be a lie - those last weeks were full of stress and anticipation; I had splitting headaches and rage/stress dreams nightly. I was numb during the day but my body and subconscious knew what was going on. All of that stress and worry evaporated, though, when Lindsay Grace came flying into the world on November 20th, too quickly for Sara to even get in the birth pool, which was where she had wanted to deliver. So let me back up. First, Sara was a sight to behold as she brought Lindsay into this world. She rolled with some unexpected disappointments, she cracked jokes throughout, and she...