39

Today is the start of the last year of my thirties. An aging milestone, of sorts, if you believe the society hype about '40'.

I've never liked my birthday, really. I never liked getting older for reasons I couldn't always articulate.

I'm making peace with it though for a few reasons.

First, I have gotten everything I wanted. I am married to a great person and we have tons of fun together. We have TWO CHILDREN, which is still completely mindblowing to me, even as I have to unlatch one to put the other one on the toilet, and make supper with one in the sling and the other on a chair beside me 'helping'. We have jobs we enjoy and are good at and which give us lots of time off to travel and explore. I am content in a way I've rarely experienced before.

Second, I'm kind of excited to put my 30's behind me. I know they're not quite over but it was such a rollercoaster. Some great highs, for sure - renovating, getting married, our kids. But honestly, the 4 years of depression and such low lows still hangs large over the decade. The pain of that time still catches me by surprise sometimes. I still get teary when I remember how deeply sad I was.

Third, I'm so excited to help R and L celebrate their birthdays, their existence and their new accomplishments and growth - so it's only fitting that we adults do the same.

Rudi is VERY excited to have brownies and ice cream for dessert tonight and the sweet kid said 'Happy Birthday, mom!' this morning unprompted, which was just about the best.

I know better than to make any predictions about what the next decade or even year holds, but I am fully committed to enjoying our current reality as much as humanly possible.

May you all feel at peace in your lives and find some small moments to enjoy today :)

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