We've taken on a lot, and somehow managed to stay in tact. Living life now as a family of 4!

I still feed Lindsay in the night and that's when I (unfortunately for my sleep patterns) do some of my best thinking. Yesterday in my scrolling I encountered a post someone shared that was written by a police officer frustrated that this cop gave all cops a bad name. He said he would now be called 'racist' just because of his uniform, even though he agrees wholeheartedly that someone who'd kneel on a neck and kill a person should not be in uniform. He sounded aggrieved that he'd be lumped in with the bad apple, so to speak. That struck a chord with me and at 3:30am I was able to articulate it. I'm a white teacher in a prairie city. Over the course of my career I've taught more brown and black kids than white kids. In fact, for the first 6 years of my teaching, I was the ONLY white person in the room most of the time. I've been called racist more times than I can count. Usually when I ask someone to change seats, or stop talking, or some other classroom

Honestly, I came home from our camping trip last week totally jazzed to write a love-note about our new tent-trailer. I tried to do a draft of it. I was even going to include pictures. But I can't. I'm just bummed. I'm bummed about Covid cancelling all our travel plans. I'm bummed about being apart from our friends and family. Who knows when we will get to see the ones who live far away again? I'm so deeply bummed about the discrepancy between the way white people and people of colour are treated. How could anyone kneel on another human's neck for 8 minutes, till after he stopped moving? It hurts my soul as a human, and I am not at risk of the same treatment; nor are my children. And only because of the colour of our skin. Life feels heavy this week. And even though I am just thrilled beyond belief about my family and our family tent trailer and the adventures we'll have one day, today I am just bummed.

What's that you say? Where was the first one? Well, it turns out that a pandemic and being a full time parent zaps me of my writing creativity. I wrote a blog post yesterday and it is truly terrible writing. I powered through and wrote on four different subjects, but the writing is stilted and clunky and just plain bad. So here I am again. I'm not even trying to edit the previous garbage - I'm starting fresh! Ok. Full time parenthood. I'm having lots of conflicting feelings about this lately. I'm waffling between variations on: - I'm SO GRATEFUL to have kids during this time. The endless days of working from home would be hell on earth for my infertile self; I'd be so freaking bored. - I Just. Want. A. Day. On. My. Own. I want to eat when I want, sleep when I want and watch TV as much as I want. Just one day. Where I don't talk to anyone and no one talks to me. Where I don't have to hide in the kitchen while I eat a scoop of ice cream so I don't