The best thinking is in the middle of the night, amirite?

I still feed Lindsay in the night and that's when I (unfortunately for my sleep patterns) do some of my best thinking.

Yesterday in my scrolling I encountered a post someone shared that was written by a police officer frustrated that this cop gave all cops a bad name. He said he would now be called 'racist' just because of his uniform, even though he agrees wholeheartedly that someone who'd kneel on a neck and kill a person should not be in uniform. He sounded aggrieved that he'd be lumped in with the bad apple, so to speak.

That struck a chord with me and at 3:30am I was able to articulate it.

I'm a white teacher in a prairie city. Over the course of my career I've taught more brown and black kids than white kids. In fact, for the first 6 years of my teaching, I was the ONLY white person in the room most of the time. I've been called racist more times than I can count. Usually when I ask someone to change seats, or stop talking, or some other classroom management situation.

Does it hurt to be called a racist? YES. It offends. That word is so loaded, even when being hurled by a 12 year old after a minor request.

But here is what I have realized the longer I have taught: It is my job to take that word seriously, and the accusation seriously ALL. THE. TIME. because racism IS alive and well and if I'm not actively working against it in myself and others, it's too easy to slip into assumptions and patterns.

I have to recognize that I am a symbol. When (in particular) an indigenous student calls me 'racist', they are speaking with the weight of generations of their people for whom education in this country was not safe. People who were subjected to 'education' like punishment. Their parents may still feel uncomfortable advocating for their children in a predominantly white system. I have the same skin colour and job as the teachers who subjected their ancestors to abuse. It's not about me, as an individual. It's about the system I am part of, that stretches back long before me.

As often as I can, I stop the conversation and talk about what it means to be racist, to accuse racism, the role of education in racism, the historical context for our current reality - all of it. It eats up a lot of time, to be honest, and some days go better than others. But it is necessary work, for the kids and for me.

I don't need to write more about systemic racism, white fragility, power imbalance or abuse of power. All of that is out there already said in far more articulate ways than I can write in 15 minutes as kids fall asleep for naps.

I just want to encourage everyone, take a step back. See what kind of symbol you might be, and go from there.