New Year
As one does at this time of year, I've been reflecting. So much has happened in the past year.
On the Dec 27th we had Tara and her family over for supper. School and work gets busy so we hadn't seen them in a while and it, as always, was so good to see how much they all love Rudi. During their visit I realized it was exactly a year before, on Dec 27th, 2016 that we saw the tiny flicker of a heartbeat on the ultrasound that made it feel a little more real that we were, with Tara's help, having a baby!
Then that got me thinking about 2016 and how brutally hard it was. It included several IVF attempts, including the last one that didn't work and that sent me into a tailspin I'm still working my way out of. It was a year of searching and not finding (until the very end).
2017 was a year of rebuilding and repairing and anticipating. We watched Rudi grow from a peanut sized little flicker to a real baby and cried such intense tears of joy when he arrived and was ours. We learned how to be happy again after a long slow slide into deep sadness. I reached out and got back in touch with friends who I had stepped away from as they had their babies while I mourned my losses. We started having people over to our house again. The guestbook for our house is chock-a-block full of entries for 2012 and 2013...a little less in 2014 and 2015 and almost none in 2016. I'm proud to say, the entries have returned for 2017 as we (mostly me) have felt more social and had emotional energy for hosting and being with friends again.
On New Years Eve we went to our friends house and put Rudi to sleep there for the first time (which went surprisingly well). By the time we got him home he was quite awake and getting him back to sleep in his crib was not a fight I was willing to have so he and Jake and I crawled into our bed. Sleeping with Rudi is not ideal for Jake and I, although Rudi loves it and has his best sleeps with us. He moves around in his sleep - often 90 or 180 degrees from where we left him. He also tends to sleep right against me, even if I move him, so I feel every twitch. Having him in our bed means I'm more likely to doze than actually sleep. But as I listened to the fireworks go off signaling the new year, I felt like it was perfect. My family was all together, cozied up in bed, snuggled in tight as a unit.
For the first time in years, I feel a peaceful excitement about the year ahead. We are going on a road trip to Vancouver Island in Feb/March. Rudi is more and more fun every day as he giggles and learns so much. Jake and I continue to be amazed at the gift we were given by Tara and her family and we are thankful and grateful for Rudi every day.
I hope you also feel a peaceful excitement for the year ahead and that it is filled with adventures and fun and love and laughter.
On the Dec 27th we had Tara and her family over for supper. School and work gets busy so we hadn't seen them in a while and it, as always, was so good to see how much they all love Rudi. During their visit I realized it was exactly a year before, on Dec 27th, 2016 that we saw the tiny flicker of a heartbeat on the ultrasound that made it feel a little more real that we were, with Tara's help, having a baby!
Then that got me thinking about 2016 and how brutally hard it was. It included several IVF attempts, including the last one that didn't work and that sent me into a tailspin I'm still working my way out of. It was a year of searching and not finding (until the very end).
2017 was a year of rebuilding and repairing and anticipating. We watched Rudi grow from a peanut sized little flicker to a real baby and cried such intense tears of joy when he arrived and was ours. We learned how to be happy again after a long slow slide into deep sadness. I reached out and got back in touch with friends who I had stepped away from as they had their babies while I mourned my losses. We started having people over to our house again. The guestbook for our house is chock-a-block full of entries for 2012 and 2013...a little less in 2014 and 2015 and almost none in 2016. I'm proud to say, the entries have returned for 2017 as we (mostly me) have felt more social and had emotional energy for hosting and being with friends again.
On New Years Eve we went to our friends house and put Rudi to sleep there for the first time (which went surprisingly well). By the time we got him home he was quite awake and getting him back to sleep in his crib was not a fight I was willing to have so he and Jake and I crawled into our bed. Sleeping with Rudi is not ideal for Jake and I, although Rudi loves it and has his best sleeps with us. He moves around in his sleep - often 90 or 180 degrees from where we left him. He also tends to sleep right against me, even if I move him, so I feel every twitch. Having him in our bed means I'm more likely to doze than actually sleep. But as I listened to the fireworks go off signaling the new year, I felt like it was perfect. My family was all together, cozied up in bed, snuggled in tight as a unit.
I hope you also feel a peaceful excitement for the year ahead and that it is filled with adventures and fun and love and laughter.
Happy New Year, my very special friends!! Wishing you many blessings and much joy.
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